An untimely death

I remember our time mainly because it hung off one of those significant events where people look back and recall where they were when...

I dated Mati (Mathew) around the time the Twin Towers collapsed. I was living in a single fronted terrace in a one way street in Prahran, one of Melbourne’s trendy inner suburbs. I shared the house with an English flatmate and my two dogs Maggie Charly and Walter.

My flatmate used to while away the evening hours tapping at his computer ‘chatting’ on gay sites. I remember this activity being a source of immense irritation for Mati – he hated the sound of tap, tap, tap so late into the evening and would urge me to say something otherwise he threatened to go home. I never said a word and I can’t remember whether Mati left? Almost 10 years have passed.

My good friend Renato told me Mati died last week. On Valentine’s Day. Mati’s father told Renato today the coroner believed the cause of death was heart attack. There was nothing in his system to suggest suicide (Renato and I automatically assumed this as Mati was only 38 years old).

I’d met Mati through Renato and we dated for a short time before he announced he didn’t want in anymore and ended it. I didn’t love him, but I had grown to like him. So while I wasn’t heartbroken, I was upset and remember crying over it. But that was that, a clean break.

About two months later Mati called me on my mobile. I was shopping in Coles and remember standing in the aisle while Mati asked me whether I wanted to pursue a “casual relationship”. No, I said, I didn’t.

As time marched on I saw Mati on and off through Renato. He befriended me on Facebook not so long ago. I remember being proud that I could be civil to an ‘ex’ and put any uneasiness behind us. Especially impressed by my behaviour when Mati was the one to dump me!

Mati was a reformed alcoholic – I hadn’t known him during his drinking days - and while it didn’t seem to bother him me drinking – in the end, it must have as I believe this was the catalyst for him ending the courtship. Mati was in AA and would openly talk about going to meetings. Instead of booze he lent on cigarettes but was to eventually give up smoking. He had conquered two powerful demons.

Only over brunch the day I learned of Mati’s passing my father had asked: “How’s that friend of Renato’s, the one in real estate, do you still hear of him?” “Yes, I answered, he’s fine. Still in real estate, asked me about speed dating on Facebook a few weeks ago.”

It’s funny how these things happen. You talk of someone you rarely mention and then...something like this happens. I called dad to tell him the news as soon as I’d heard it from Renato. It had been so weird I said to dad – we were only talking of him this morning!

Although Mati and I were not close, his untimely death serves as a reminder how fleeting life can be. It also shows me how much I lean on my friends. Renato had invited me to his friend Cameron’s for dinner on Sunday night. Their mutual friend Sami was also there. All of us had met Mati and in sharing our shock at the news, we were providing comfort to eachother. I left dinner feeling buoyed by their company.

The funeral is on Friday and I decided I would not attend. I was not a good friend. But Renato called me today and asked if I would go with him. So I’m going to go – and now more so in my friendship for Renato. I’m sure Mati would understand. Good friends band together.

Attached photo: L- R Mati and Renato (from days gone by).