The positive spin

I remember having a good whinge to my (then) boss of the incompetencies of a supplier we were dealing with and I was quick to point out everything this team was doing wrong and 'as a consultant to us' should be doing right. Why were we paying all this money for their shoddy work? On my ramblings went.

My boss turned to me and said: "I know the problem, but I want to hear the solution."

It struck me then that here lies the challenge - finding the solution. The easy part (of which I was so competent) was to focus the bad.

None of this mattered, because this supplier was on contract, had pitched for the work, won it and had a job to do. The fact they were doing it badly was not in dispute, but it was time to do something about it and get the supplier on track.

The suggestion to take the positive over negative came up again in a conversation with a friend yesterday.

She was telling me about an issue with her partner and I said to her point blank: "why don't you just say 'your way is not working'?". My friend replied: "well, I'd like to take a more positive approach than that."

The second time I was hit in the face; reminded of my ugly habit.

I will of course be able to apply my new-found logic to my personal relationships. I recollect at least two previous boyfriends who said: "you're so hard on me" and since gone onto find women obviously not as 'hard (as) me'; having married them or about to.

So perhaps instead of repeatedly pointing out my loved ones' shortcomings (I should have learned the first time nagging is not effective!) I will endeavour to approach the issue as my friend said, with a positive spin.

Rewind to: "You drink too much, you party too hard, and your breath and every pore of you reaks of alcohol; it's disgusting and sooooo unattractive" (37 year old v responsible day job boyfriend getting home at 8am Saturday mornings after epic Friday nights' out),

...should have been rephrased as:

"Honey, you're obviously popular and have an enviable social life, but I'm really looking forward to spending time with you tomorrow and it'd be great if you could make it home by 2am (remember the usual was 8am) so you're not feeling unwell or overtired, and we can enjoy a great day together."

I dunno....having just read over the above, I think I may have tried the positive in this particular scenario over and over - but when booze has its grip no sense can come of it.

However, there's something to it, this positive business. Sure beats the goody two shoes tut tutting and finger pointing (one finger pointing at you is three pointed back at me).

So I'll take my pledge and strive for the positive. Old habits die hard, I'm sure to teeter on the naysayer ledge a little longer than admirable...but hopefully when I do step it forward; I'll be dipping my toe in the purified waters of a 'glass half full'.