You can't always get what you want

On the first day of spring where there should be a spring in my step, I've fallen flat.

As readers of this blog are aware (and newbies about to find out) today I had my appointment with a fertility specialist to chat about egg freezing.

I was all gung ho (re-reading my former post I note this sentiment) about taking action to ensure I had my reservation at the baby making table.

Today's appointment was a real eye opener. I didn't spend too long with the specialist because as soon as she quoted the costs ($12 - $13k minimum) for the process, I tuned out making my mind up then and there that if children weren't in my future the natural way - as a current single woman, I wasn't going to test run the science.

Apparently one needs about two rounds of 'egg collection' (across two cycles) to maximise their chances of producing an egg right for fertility. Of course I would have to pump hormones into myself to get more eggs created than usual and for the process to 'harvest' them I would have to go under a general anaesthetic (that part of which I knew). And once the eggs are frozen - it's about an extra $1500 to inseminate with the male's sperm.

This was all getting a bit much.

I could go further into the ins and outs but for want of not getting too technical or tedious - the upshot is this: I'd be looking at about $30K outspend to have a baby from frozen eggs.

Which had me sitting across from the doctor thinking; do I want a kid that badly? And today without a partner in the picture, my gut says no.

In anycase - on the first day of spring, when the sun is shining and nature is set to bloom - my rosy cheeks have paled. Even if I had the money I don't think I would do it.

It just seems too hard.

I'll take my eggs frozen

Usually I like my eggs poached or scrambled but today I made the hard boiled decision to settle on frozen.

Having just turned 37 and with one of my best mates (and one of the smartest people in the world I know) become pregnant at 38 years old, tell me all the realities of getting pregnant older (ie not so good); has confirmed what I already knew and accelerated my procrastination and fence sitting into action. I have to bite the bullet, throw my pride out the window, accept the confrontation and visit an egg freezer.

Calling up the fertility clinic today confirmed it - at my age, time is of the essence.

The woman on the phone caringly said: "We can't get you in with Dr X for an appointment until November, but mmmm - you're how old? Oh, right - yes, you really shouldn't wait...try these doctors - they are just as good, and you'll be able to get an appointment sooner."

So first day of spring (a nice tie in for fertility) I'll be meeting the specialist about hatching some eggs not for a fry up, but a freeze up.

It's a bit of a pain - yes, and it's not really fair; unquestionably - but better to have my current 37 year old eggs than older should it become my time to make a baby.

You see - I may have won myself that green card (referenced in an earlier blog entry)in the US Diversity Lottery and if my number comes up (I've been randomly selected as one of 100,000 for further processing) I could be relocating to live in the States in about a year's time.

This planning does not coincide too well with meeting a probable partner in Melbourne and/or Sydney; and settling down to begin a family. Yes folks, it would appear I may just end up with a yankee!

While there will hopefully come a time when I meet a suitable bachelor; realistically I may be knocking on 40's birthday door.

So, unfortunately it has to be - this egg freezing business. Not a cheap business either (no pun intended of the chicken 'cheep cheep'). Certainly much dearer than the six dollars I pay for my free range dozen at the markets.

Realistic I am and it helps having some pretty smart friends to remind me that I'll only be hurting myself for not taking action now.

In my basket, the egg comes before the chicken.