When you lose your single buddies

OK - out and proud. I have a boisterous personality and can at times be a bit of a bully. Read: loud and demanding.

As such, I've noticed the older I get the harder it is to befriend new people my own age (yet the Gen Ys are much more open to bombastic women in their mid 30s).

Case in point; when I threw a party late last year designed especially for singles to mingle, a few fellow 30 something single women came on board my bandwagon.

However, like an itch desperate to be scratched, I kinda knew the relationship with these newfound bosom buddies would be shortlived. And it was.

Here's the thing. The friends I have and that have endured their friendships with me (for more than 10 years), know that under all the perceived external 'bluntness' there is a sensitive, caring and kind person beneath. They value my friendship and I know through the ups and downs, we're in it for the long haul.

However, new women in their mid 30s who enter my life aren't so loyal.

And thus stands my dilemma.

I am 36 and single, my best friends are around the same age, coupled up and most have children. Or they're gay (men). As you will see from previous posts - I've even taken to caring for these said children on occasion, as mummy practice and of course, so I can keep my friendships strong with my valued few.

But by spending more and more time with my mates who have husbands/partners and kids, I'm not doing so much to create their life for myself. And this plays on me.

Unfortunately, the single women out there in my age group don't 'get' me well enough to stick around (nor for me to want them to). Like I said, the Gen Ys are terrific, but again, my best friend in the Gen Y bracket (who's 27) is herself coupled up.

I guess also, if I were to go out on the town with her, the men we would attract would not be right for me. This girlfriend looks like Jessica Alba and in fact when she was on a path in her early 20s to pursue acting - her agent said "we already have your look - it's Jessica Alba". For Melbourne people, my friend is a dead ringer for Rebecca Twigley. And Rebecca Twigley just got married. My point: the Gen Ys are also coupled and married!

I've watched with interest how my celebrity (single) peers are behaving - Jen Aniston is my favourite to watch, and unfortunately she just keeps going for the younger guys because q frankly (I believe this is why) she has a hot bod and has kept herself looking smokin'. Why would she want a 45 - 50 year old when she can get a 30 year old? Problem is, the younger age bracket of men are unlikely to stick it out with her when they can get Taylor Swift (who 30 year old Jake Gyllenhaal bagged).

Then Kate Winslet rebounded with her younger personal trainer - hot, but I read she's split from him too. Cameron Diaz is just plain embarrassing - a serial monogamist who repeatedly gets them but doesn't keep them - surely Matt Dillon, Cam?

Now Cam's on with A-Rod, Madonna's sloppy seconds. Downward slope.

Sandra Bullock thought she'd met her match and we know what happened there, Reese Witherspoon will hopefully experience a happy ending after her recent engagement, but it took her some time to move on from her broken marriage and rebound relationship with Jake Gyllenhaal.

And then the dazzling Liz Hurley pashing on with serial womaniser Shane Warne and (Australian model) 35 year old Megan Gale just keeps getting them younger and younger (all power to her, but if she thinks for a second her 22 year old footballer will bring her what 29 year old Andy Lee couldn't, she's going down Kylie Minogue's path (ie gets them young and then younger - while she keeps getting older. Tick tock, tick tock).

It's a disappointing world we live in this difficult dating palaver and even more so when I spend my evenings at home (yes, resorted to internet dating this week) because I lack single, 30 something girlfriends to go on the town with - the old fashioned way to meet men!

It's all a bit, god forbid, can I say? Depressing.

They say, put yourself out there (remember Sex and the City and Charlotte?) so here I am online throwing it to the universe. If there are any single, attractive men (over 5'11 and above 33 years) willing to swoon me, feel free to make contact! wink, wink. If I'm not at home (online trawling through the maze of men seeking to date 20 something, slim women) I'll be at my married girlfriend's house as the 'plus 1' for their family dinner.

The Kevin Bacon Party

For a long time now my city has been renowned for its lack of available men seeking a long-term relationship with 30 something women. It seems most hetro guys have partnered up before they hit 35 and it's slim pickings for us girls left on the shelf.

Whatever the reason, there are a truckload of single Generation X women in this city and not enough guys for us to go around.

Enter...The Kevin Bacon Party!

I plan to host a targeted, singles evening for Generation X professionals with a penchant and means for the good life. To grab my single contenders' attention (and more importantly cajole them into attending), we will avoid the innuendo that people who go to such functions are 'desperate and dateless' (...there goes the working title "What Melbourne Man Drought? It's Raining Men!").

I have called my endeavour The Kevin Bacon Party where people will meet their match six degrees from Kevin Bacon and from eachother.

Most Generation Xers will remember the Kevin Bacon six degrees of separation game? Heck, the namesake created a charity (sixdegrees.org) based on this notoriety. I've workshopped the connections and here is one scenario:

We start with Kevin Bacon (1 degree), who has acted in A Few Good Men with Tom Cruise (2 degrees) who is married to Katie Holmes (3 degrees), who stars in Don't be Afraid of the Dark. I've shared a bottle of wine with the publicist for this movie (4degrees) who met Katie Holmes and I'm the party organiser (5 degrees) which brings its attendees six degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon.

I know singles' parties are a dime a dozen. I've seen them regularly advertised by the dating site, RSVP, as well as the speed daters and even commercial radio stations (especially around Valentine's Day).

The difference I hope can be achieved with The Kevin Bacon Party is attendees a) will be quality and b) will be connected at least six degrees from someone else in the room. So it will be a party among friends of friends. Everyone likes to meet their new mate through a friend - it's a good, solid reference point.

My experience as a 35 year old woman is I've generally run out of puff to trawl the city bars on a Friday and Saturday night looking for new talent. I remember it working well in my 20s but that's also the catch - there's the age varient. I've moved on 10 years (cougar I'm not...yet).

Essentially, I'm not alone in my vintage for giving up the gas or being disillusioned that most guys who hang at these places are in their 20s. That doesn't mean us old farts are ready to turn from love. Oh, no. We're ripe for it. We just need the right place, people and connections to get us over the line.

If I start the ball rolling to lead the troops down the aisle - here's the current plan:

We go high-end, $150 per head. It's cocktail themed. Dress up; but guys won't have to worry about wearing a tux and girls can hold off on the gown (save this for your wedding day).

The venue is Comme, our champas is Moet. We engage local companies to donate products for door prizes. The event extends to men in Sydney, Canberra and Adelaide (it is a Melbourne man drought afterall) and any interstaters wishing to swoon our Melbourne girls are welcome.

Tickets are limited.

Sat 28 August 2010 from 8pm (block out the date!)

And last but not least - the event's success will be dependent on all of us. Please put your thinking caps on and nominate all single people you know who fit the bill. Help me spread the word about The Kevin Bacon Party and encourage single Generation X professionals to get in touch with me (carolinejamespublicrelations@gmail.com)

We particularly need men - so think hard who you know, work with, live next door to, do yoga class, say hi to at the footy or meet at the gastro pub. Think of it as helping our fellow mankind.

It is my mission to find the Generation X man or woman of your dreams!