When Baby Makes Three

Like it or lump it the dynamic changes when your friends have kids.

Several of my good friends are parents now.  I have a handful that are childless but most of those don't want to remain so. Time will tell, or put realistically, it'll simply run out.

I'm no angel so I'm going to enter territories where the winged creatures may fear to tread.  Heck, I fear to tread in some part as I don't want to upset my friends (but then again new mothers hardly have time to read their friend's blog posts).  But some do, so disclaimer up front.

Parents - my intention is not to upset you.  The truth is my dirty laundry has been piling up in my head for years now - as I lose one best friend after another to the realms of motherhood.

Having said that my friends are a smart bunch and no doubt already know that despite my gripes, I'm not stupid enough to deny that change is inevitable - as is the fact people do breed.  So while I can not speak for my friends' perception of the status quo of our friendship since their baby has come - I'll speak for myself. 

It's been an adjustment and (sorry junior) one I'm not always pleased about.  Having your best mates have kids when you don't have them nor are likely to - means your friend is not as available to you.  But I'm still wide open to them.  So right there we're already out of kilter.

I miss our chats, your presence in downward dog at yoga class, brunch sans children and catch-ups over wines at the latest hotspot on a Friday or Saturday night.

When my friends have their kids, and their own life is thrown in turmoil - my life too experiences a jolt. I have no option but to see my mates with their kids in tow or lose them. The part of the friendship that is and was cherished - a one on one exclusive - is now gone to the dogs. But it's not the dogs barking for (and winning) mummy's attention during our get togethers.

Unfortunately your tiny tot is my elephant in the room.

So what can I do?

I've spent hours in front of Foxtel there's a start.  I've whiled many a Friday or Saturday night alone watching TV with my old dog and drinking vodka (very Bridget Jones).

I've spent a lot of time befriending the barman and patrons at local pubs; acquainting with neighbours; and racking up quite the mobile phone expense chatting to my friend Justine in Sydney for enjoyment because I've lost home grown entertainment in the form of going out with old friends.

The solution?

A life coach suggested joining social networking groups such as MeetUp and there was one other site….?  Others have suggested (shock horror) making new friends. I've made a few here and there but there's nothing like history in a friendship.  Shout out to my gay friend Renato who insists he has no desire to become a father himself - and yes, I did float the idea of our having kids together!

The key answer to my situation is to get creative and forge on with enriching my life in other ways. And those who know me already know there are steps being undertaken to achieve this.

But before I sign off - I must mention the kids.  Even though baby photo after toddler photo coming through on my facebook status stream can be a little annoying (sorry) especially being single and childless myself - children are most often endearing and cute.  

Like the film; "The Kids are All Right".

Really, it's me - the grumpy old lady who needs to get with the times.  We ain't in our 20s anymore.  I have to grow up alongside your kids. I can also look on the bright side. There will be a day I can share a wine with my new friend - my old mate's grown up child...for entertainment, on a Friday or Saturday night.